You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
