Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
