Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
