ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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