Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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