Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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