hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
