you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
