I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
