my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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