thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
