I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
