My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
