I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
