We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
