bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
