he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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