i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
