she looked like the before picture.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain