My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me