oh good, I think they're gone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do