Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.