I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.