Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal