You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
