dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
