If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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