I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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