Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
People in love make me want to vomit
Girls should come with a carfax report
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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