woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
