I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
