Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
