side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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