Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
