I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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