I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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