I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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