In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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