I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
