sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
