when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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