two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
