"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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