I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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