were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
