Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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