Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
