i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
