come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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