your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The best revenge is premature balding
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I FOUND THE LEGS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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