Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
