I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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