1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
