How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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