I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
