I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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