ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Boobs are out for the taking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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