question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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