What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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