Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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