grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
