How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
