So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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