my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
