if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
