Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
