I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
