I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
