In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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