its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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