I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dignity is for republicans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
