Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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