Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
