You're my little dorito
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
