Soap is not a condiment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
