btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
