New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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