I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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