i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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