I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
