I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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